A little late for today’s anniversary (has it really been 5 years?!) but I’ll always remember.

I just found out that someone I went to both high school and college with has committed suicide. I’m still in total shock. We were never really that close — I haven’t talked to him in about a year since I moved out of Berkeley — but in college, we had a few classes together and we hung out occasionally. He even had a crush on me at one point. Towards the end of college, he kind of went off and did his own thing and never went out with us anymore — and we all just attributed the change to the whole growing up and growing apart deal. I know no one is to blame for what happened but I can’t help but wonder if I had just tried to keep in contact or *something* then maybe he wouldn’t have felt like he couldn’t turn to anyone. I don’t know. I just… I still can’t believe it. I hope his family is coping as best they can and that maybe, somehow, he’s found peace.

So tomorrow is September 11th. It feels like it was yesterday, seriously. I distinctly remember what I was doing that day — and I think that’s true of everybody I’ve talked to. Where you were and what you were doing when you found out that the Trade Center Towers had been hit will always be with you. I was still asleep when Rob called me and told me to turn on the television. I was in total shock. I don’t think I budged the entire day. I was angry because I felt helpless and I was sad because of all the unnecessary lives lost and the families who mourn them. I wanted to find out who could do this, how many planes were involved, how the rescue missions were going, and if there was any reason to believe that there were more targets. And now, a year later, I still find myself strangely drawn to the tragedy– I don’t know anyone personally who was directly affected but I guess being an American is enough of a connection to warrant my feelings.